I wish my penis had an off switch
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
