I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
