I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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