yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
