He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
