it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
