maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
