i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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