We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
