they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
