Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
