we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
