Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this beer tastes like vomit already
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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