I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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