dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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