so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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