all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
