We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
