Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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