and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
