I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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