So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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