My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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