you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just found puke in my bra..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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