i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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