It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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