I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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