I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize