Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I supernannyed him into submission
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
