she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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