I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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