Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
