Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
