just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
