yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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