Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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