Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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