if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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