I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
