He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
