You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
