i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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