I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
