YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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