I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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