dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
