Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
