i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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