Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
