remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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