What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
