Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
