For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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