idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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