Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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