coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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