Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He felt like a one man threesome
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
