then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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