I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
