you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
