All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
