dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
