i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
