So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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