We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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