Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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