I hate all girls vehemently.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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