What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
