Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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