Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
