No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad