I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.