This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.