I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?