My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.