went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD