My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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