I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
