I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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