Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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