I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
