I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
