you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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