just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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