Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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