ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
