Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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