I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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