I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
