if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
