You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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